Kamala Harris For War Garment-dyed Heavyweight Long-sleeve Shirt

Kamala Harris, the ultimate establishment mascot, stands as proof that in modern politics, war isn't some tragic misstep—it’s the plan. Not that this is some fresh revelation; it’s a grimly familiar rerun, like a bad sitcom that just won’t die. Kamala, bless her heart, didn’t storm the vice presidency by popular demand. No, she was quietly installed by Joe Biden, who, much like a guy who accidentally swallowed his car keys, seemed genuinely surprised he found her there.

You remember Kamala from the 2019 primaries, right? Of course you don’t. Her campaign cratered faster than a summer TikTok dance trend. One good whack from Tulsi Gabbard in a primary debate and Kamala was knocked clean out of the race. But in this theatrical farce we call American democracy, that hardly matters. Like some rigged game of musical chairs, she was shuffled back into the spotlight—plucked from obscurity to be Biden’s VP, a move so perplexing it made you wonder if the political class had finally gone fully mad.

By the summer of '24, the whole thing looked like a Machiavellian fever dream, with Kamala starring in the bizarre political opera as the least-loved politician this side of Dick Cheney shooting someone in the face. The people didn't pick her. Hell, they'd barely remember her if it weren’t for all the forced headlines. But that’s the beauty of our modern system: public opinion is little more than an afterthought. It’s the shadowy backroom deals that drive this train, all with a flourish so grand Emperor Palpatine would blush.

Biden, poor Joe, staggered about like the confused uncle at a family reunion who isn’t quite sure why he’s there but just knows he was supposed to bring a potato salad. His cognitive state—a matter of public concern to everyone but those closest to the strings—finally gave out. In a debate that will be remembered more for its awkwardness than any meaningful political discourse, he floundered against Trump in what amounted to little more than political elder abuse.

And then—poof—he was gone. Biden vanished like a ghost at midnight, leaving behind nothing but a trail of rumors. Was he talking to the ghosts of presidents past? Had he tripped over a teleprompter? No one knew. But then came the tweet. That digital whisper from the shadows, declaring that Biden was done, and in a move that surprised absolutely no one, he threw his weight behind Kamala.

With a flick of the establishment's wrist, Kamala—whose approval ratings were hovering somewhere below a case of the flu—was suddenly at the top of the Democratic ticket. No votes were cast, no grand speeches were made. It was like the crown jewels had been passed down in a back alley, while the masses were busy watching reality TV. Kamala’s ascension wasn’t democracy in action; it was democracy in quotes—a masterclass in sidestepping the whole “will of the people” nonsense.

The media, of course, played its part. While the watchdogs of democracy were busy reporting on Kardashian diets and the latest TikTok trend, Kamala was quietly positioned as the savior of the Republic. And as if to hammer home the absurdity of it all, the corporate overlords—yes, the same ones who make the bombs, the news, and the policies—crafted a narrative that Kamala was “BRAT,” that she embodied “JOY,” all the while grinning and cranking up the war machine.

And then came the great parade of the compliant: the folks who wear N95s alone in their cars, standing in line, six feet apart, eager to swallow every last drop of the nonsense being spoon-fed to them. They'll turn to you, smiling, utterly oblivious to the dystopian nightmare unfolding before their very eyes, and say with complete sincerity, “Isn't this wonderful?” All while the machine grinds on.

This is a shirt for all the other people who aren't grinning anymore and know quite well what's going on, thank you very much.

Experience unbeatable comfort with this quality garment-dyed shirt, made from tough heavyweight material and treated with dye for a rugged, worn-in appearance. The dying process guarantees the shirt's shape remains intact, even after multiple washes.

• 100% soft ring-spun cotton
• Fabric weight: 6.1 oz./yd.² (206.8 g/m²)
• Relaxed fit
• Garment-dyed, pre-shrunk fabric
• Topstitched, classic width collar
• Twill-taped neck and shoulders for comfort and durability
• Rib cuffs
• Shoulder-to-shoulder twill tape
• Signature twill label

Size guide